Ticker Taper Parade

It’s one week til Two Oceans, and I’m officially tapering. Hip hip hooray! And I do mean that from the bottom of my tired exhausted bored heart. Sorry, don’t let any Real Runner hear me saying that. Because you know Real Runners hate to taper. It means they can’t run. Or shock horror, have to cut their long runs short. It’s a real tragedy.

There’s actually a phrase: they call it Taper Tantrums.

Me? I’m having a Ticker Taper Parade!

Did someone say I don’t have to run 30km this Sunday? Alone. Is there anyone alive who would be disappointed by that fact?

Did I read correctly that I can cut my treadmill runs back from 2 hours to 1 hour? Seriously?? The excitement is enough to give me a heart attack. And that’s not sarcasm speaking. That’s the absolute god honest truth.

Was that really, really my last hills session? Really?

I’m about to burst with excitement. I kid you not.

And I really, really love to run.

But what I really miss, is just running. Not running according to a programme, that tells me when to run, how far to run, how fast to run, and how many hills I need to run up and down, and up and down, and infinitum until my lungs burst and my head hurts.

What I really miss is running with my friends, starting with them and stopping with them. Maybe even grabbing a coffee before we head home. Instead of starting an hour ahead, joining them for the middle bit, and then convincing myself to run home instead of begging someone to drive me the last 5km, because it’s all uphill and my wireless earphones have run out of battery, and I forgot to pack food, and someone locked the tap at the garage so I’m dying of thirst and I’m really, really, really Just Done.

For the record, I always run home. And it is all uphill.

What I really miss is running because I want to, not running because I have to.

OMG. I am tired. And I am loving not having to run. I’m sorry if that makes me less of a runner.

And wait, there’s more to this Taper fest.

Did you say Carbo load? Bring on the pasta. Let’s eat pizza! Where’s the potatoes? Toasted sandwiches every day for lunch. Count me in. There are R50 avos turning black in my fruit bowl. And I don’t care. Because avos are for salad. And those days are done.

And you do know that chocolate counts too. And biscuits. And chips. Also, pretty much anything that comes out of those goodie bags the kids bring home from parties. There’s carbohydrates in everything if you look hard enough.

Chocolate milk. The perfect recovery drink. Even if you’re just recovering from the school run.

Two weeks ago, I told the Cycling Husband that I was Starving. All. The. Time. He laughed. Until he saw me eat. I think he got a little scared.

(On that note, I honestly don’t know what happened to that entire jar of Nutella. At least that’s what I tell my children. And my husband.)

If you want to see a real Taper Tantrum, try and separate me from my mid afternoon snack. Or remind me that Two Oceans is just a training run. And that there’s another 10 weeks of long lonely runs coming my way.

Then remind me again that I’m doing this because I love to run. Please.

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